Thoughts on Coping with Homesickness

I’ve had a few conversations about homesickness with other students while here in the U.K. I can also freely admit that I’ve felt that tug myself at times–though having my wife and three kids here certainly stems the tide. So I wanted to give some ideas on how to deal with homesickness.

First, recognize those nostalgic memories for what they are: emotional and transitory.  Now, that doesn’t make the feelings any less powerful, but it can help judge their pull. A rather mundane example happened to me the other day when I commented on Twitter about missing my favorite restaurant back home in Austin, Castle Hill. The only thing is that someone pointed out to me that Castle Hill closed almost an entire year before I left.

I loved the food so much that I hadn’t realized the place had been closed for over a year before I even left Austin. That’s what makes memory so tricky, it masks itself to fit whatever longing or fear or hope you hold at the moment. Nostalgic memory offers a pesky fiction that might work for the moment you’re in now, but just as likely has little to do with your actual past. It’s worth wondering if homesickness isn’t memory trying to mask for something you could find in your new home.

Secondly, and not to contradict what I just said, don’t be afraid to pursue something from home. Phone calls and videos home are cheap. So long as they don’t keep you from exploring your new life, use them as much as you need. However, once again, you do want to keep an eye toward whether you’re leaning on home to fulfil a need that can be indulged locally.

Beyond family, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying a nice bit of Americana while abroad. I’m a big college football fan, and I’ve enjoyed tracking the Longhorns’ pursuit of a national championship while here in the U.K. In fact describing the difference between the U.S. college-to-pro sports circuit versus the European municipal points systems has been a source of some great conversations.

You see, here in the U.K. (and elsewhere in Europe) each town has its own football club. The teams compete in various leagues, and the better your team is over time the higher the league your team gets to play in until you reach the international levels. Thus, any group of guys can start a team and potentially play their way into a premier league over time. Well, except that big money comes into play and great teams get institutionalized–so it isn’t all that different.

See, you can find bits of home anywhere, even if it takes finding some buddies to complain about how big contracts ruin the spirit of the game. I bet that’s true in any land and any language.



2 Responses to “Thoughts on Coping with Homesickness”

1. Shannon Vyff says:

   December 12, 2009 at 9:21 am

   As Michael’s wife, I can say that moving countries has been a challenge. Figuring out the “you have to have a bank account to get a house, but you have to have a house to get a bank account” when we first arrived, to where do we get something sort of like the US brand of medicine/food/clothes we are looking for, or how can we get our kids into school, how do we meet people, even how are we going to set our new priorities in life–all of it is worth the effort.

   I miss my friends, my UU church community in Austin, rockin’ rec league roller derby, all the play-dates for our kids, grandma who was there to help–but here, I’ve joined PTA, the kids all have gone to other’s homes at times and had friends over to ours, I’ve been making friends with some of the mums. I suppose I won’t know how close I am with them, till I leave. Right now though, when I think of my 2 best girlfriends in Austin–it seems no one here can fill the gap I feel. So, the Internet keeps me in touch, I focus on my new priority of writing more, working out more and I enjoy how happy our kids are. Even the eldest who had a hard time at first said the other day that she liked school here better than her school in Austin. Our children are thriving, and the move has afforded us more family time as we are less involved in community responsibilities. For that I’m most grateful, that we have more family time- it makes our cozy stone cottage in the trees a bright and happy place!
2. Michael Trice says:

   December 13, 2009 at 8:45 am

   Yeah, I used a baseball diamond, not American football for the picture. It was Avryn’s first baseball game last spring in Austin and was hot as hell.